here it is! I've been updating pretty frequently and I'm getting excited for a change of scenery. San Fran on New Year's Eve!

Sitting in Coffeetown on 21st ave. What to do in Portland? Suggestions? Especially cheap and free things.
It's kinda bad timing 'cause it's Thanksgiving and it's raining but whatever. It's still Portland.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Olympia, Washington with Jay. We got here this afternoon and spent the last few days in Seattle. We saw a band on Saturday night at an art gallery and it made me long to harmonize... not that I've done that much harmonizing in my life. But I'd like to.
My heart yearns to make music. I brought my guitar with me and I hope I get better/competent at playing it so that I can write my own songs and sing my poems. It's been so long since I've written poetry on a regular basis and I miss it. But I don't know how to get it back.
We stayed at my friend Liz's for a few nights. She has this super pretty studio apartment in the top of her mum's ex-husband's house. It's right near the water in the neighbourhood of Ballard in Seattle. Her mum is a yoga teacher and Liz is deep into the yoga way of life, in her own way. She's a very generous and creative weirdo. I met her through Sydney years back in Calgary and we've done the drive to Calg from Vancouver back and forth a few times. We didn't actually get to spend any time together this time around, other than an hour or so at the art gallery. But it was nice to inhabit her space and read the books on her shelf. I don't think they were hers but there were tonnes of really awesome books on astrology.
I've been getting more into astrology lately. Not just sun signs but the intricacies of houses and aspects. It helps me to calm my mind and get past some of my anxious thought patterns. When I quit religion and started calling myself an atheist I really didn't think that I would believe in a greater "power" again. And I don't really but the stars and planets speak to me in a way that nothing else does, save the majesty of Earth's nature. I've been in such a negative state for the past few months and I am eager to move past this but I know that I can't until I accept and process the challenges I am facing.
Looking into my horoscope, I see the patterns that I developed as a child to deal with circumstances I couldn't change as a minor. Now that I'm "in" my adulthood, I need to leave these behind in order to grow and become the person that I can be. If I ever want to feel "myself", I need to embrace my weaknesses as strengths in my own way.
I hate being told what to do. I love telling others what to do. I don't think, I feel. I can't always communicate what I feel. I don't always tell the truth for fear of hurting people. I think I am special. More special than others. I am self-obsessed. I stick my nose where it doesn't belong. I pick up the moods of others and think they are my own. I hide when I am hurt. I get hurt easily by others and am unable to read their intentions, I nurse my hurts. I don't know what I am best at, yet. I want to be a mother but I am afraid to repeat the mistakes that my parents made with me. I hate the things in myself that I see in others but just hate them instead. I am insecure about my intelligence due to my inability to communicate.
My twelfth house is ruled by mercury. My moon is in the twelfth house.
I am slowly becoming more aware of my ability to intuit. I need to find a way to make these things about me work for me and not against me. Dreams. The sea of the subconscious.
I'm glad to be away. We'll see if I ever go back to stay.

It's my week of tying up loose ends and having hangouts and doing relax-y things with my friends before I leave. lots of random picking up and dropping off.

I am selling my amp and cabinet. perfect for a beginner bass set up (or keyboard maybe guitar) but also big enough to gig with. $160 for the amp (peavey centurion mark iii, solidstate) and $175 for the cabinet (peavey 4x'10 on casters) or $300 for both. I didn't want to sell these but I had to pay $1400 for a root canal last week and have to try to make up for it somehow...

If you know anyone who is interested get them in touch with me.

Also, it looks like we will be staying for the PROHAB calendar release party on Friday the 13th. Please come to say farewell, or let's get together for drinks beforehand or on Thursday night.

I just have to write/talk about it. It makes me feel better.

I got my tooth worked on yesterday but my dentist couldn't finish. So I am going to a specialist on Wednesday next week. More expensive but at least I can be %95 confident that he will do the best job possible and won't fuck up like my other dentist, whom I might never go back to after this.
The good news is my appointment yesterday only cost me $12 for "open and drain molar". Yummy. And the other good news is ibuprofen and clove oil seem to be making the pain less. Otherwise I would still be writhing in pain...
So, two more dentist appointments next week, on my last days of work. I really hope there are no weird complications with my insurance... Must call them today.
Seriously glad I am getting this done now. I don't know why I didn't get it done last year or like a month ago. Frig. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20. I am a procrasturbator.

Everything else is peachy! Hallowe'en is coming. The fall is beautiful and chilly. The to-do lists shrink everyday. I'm all packed up. I get to see my family soon. yayayaya!

I have 4/5 days left in my room! Almost everything is packed. Half of my stuff is already in storage. Fatima goes to Renée & Dustin's when they get back. I am still working until the 5th and maybe more because I am a crazy person and have decided to get that root canal that I've been putting off! yay!

It's not painful, yet. No hot/cold sensitivity, I can still chew on it and all that but I am always aware of this particular tooth especially in my jaw which indicates to me that it is rotting from the bottom! yay!

Despite my "fear" of dentists, I actually feel prepared going into this procedure after completing a root canal/crown with the same dentist last year. And I'd rather do it now than get splitting headaches and sinus infections on my trip. Blergh.

And I am going to the clinic for a lovely pap smear today! And I am going to get some plan B, just in case a condom breaks in America! Fun times!

I feel like life is on fast-forward. I am overwhelmed but also hyper-prepared. Checklists and packing tape. Suitcases and milkcrates.

I can't wait for the feeling that will hit us when we're driving south and all this fucking build-up is worth it! Magical!

I only have 19 days left of work! yay!
I also have a shit-tonne of stuff to do before that time is up. I have to get organized and productive pretty quick here.
Packing to store is very different from packing to move. A lot more thought has to go into it. So much thinking, planning, madness.
I'm gonna make a 'zine on the trip about being on the road, dumpster-diving, wwoofing, camping, cheap road tripping.

Holy shitballs, I am excited.

My cat is doing that baby suckle/purr thing. It's pretty cute. When I look at her, I think of the 13 years we've spent together and all the times I've had to leave her and come back to her. My furry little anchor of love.

Lately I have been playing a lot of guitar. I've never found it pleasing or fun before now. I've had this guitar I inherited from my grandmother for at least ten years now and I am finally learning how to play it. Feels good. Calloused fingertips. Each chord reminds me of every song I've ever heard...

But the cat doesn't like the guitar and she leaves the room as soon as I pick it up! Ha!

Dreamt of my whole family together, hasn't happened in many years. My mum was a concert flautist or violist. Weird. I had a really cute pet hedgehog.

In real life, my brother Joel is getting married to his baby mama. Pretty awesome.

Dreamt (I don't care if it's not a word) last night of vacationing with Erica. I think I've been to this place before in my dreams. Pretty hard to describe. Like a city floating on the ocean. All white and gold and glittering. At the end of the dream we were sitting along the edge of the city in a big crowd, dipping our feet in the ocean's clear blue water, and playing this hilarious game. Two men with a huge stack of plate-sized hard corn tortillas were throwing them at people randomly. I caught two and ate them. And we laughed a lot.